Poof He’s Gone

The sunlight is shining, through the smudged window on to his face, accentuating all the wrinkles that life has given him. All of his smiles, all his worry, all of life’s memories laid out like a map on his paper thin face.

He gasps for air, as if he has never breathed before, Things I take for granted. His brow is wet with perspiration.

I know, he is dying. He is not ready or willing, but it is happening.

I dab his face with a cold damp cloth. I am missing my thanksgiving dinner. I am missing the people who love me, because I am the only one he has.

I hold his clammy hand. Whisper to him, things I don’t know, I tell him that he has been enough, reassure him that the people who aren’t there love him. Even the worst of us deserve compassion.

The sun sets deeper, beams of orange light fall on his blanket, shadows cast across the wall. He is in pain.

I can’t help him. I have no pain medication to give him. The family forbids it, all the while they enjoy their turkey dinner. I hold his hand. I tell him he is enough. I tell him he is loved.  I watch his struggle for every breath. It is close.

His winkled face relaxes, and poof hes gone, it is over. His soul is gone. I know it, I am now the only one in the room. He is gone.

I could go home and love my family. but I prefer to be alone.

 

 

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ITS JUST LIFE

Its just Life, no one gets out alive.

Stop the worries, stop the stress, and please I beg you to Live. Do the things you never thought you could. Its just life, no one get out alive.

No One is guaranteed a  happy ending.

So go ahead make bad choices. Go ahead learn, but don’t expect things to go your way.

They won’t.

But expect to get back what you give in. You are not guaranteed a happy ending just because you were born, you have to try.

 

One Day

And one day she woke up. She was sick of dreaming. So she started living.

My vulnerable self

I was always told I was guarded. I tried not to be. But I didn’t know what that meant.

I actually googled how to be vulnerable. Insert eye roll here.

It took years, but I discovered.. Vulnerability.

To be able to be vulnerable, you have to know and accept you faults. ACCEPT your FAULTS.

Its not opening up to someone and praying they don’t judge you. its opening up to yourself  and accepting you just the way you are.

When you accept yourself,  allow yourself to be humble.Let go of your Ego.  No one can touch you. Only when you love yourself, you stop needing others approval. you stop needing your own approval.

When you accept yourself, only then will you let another accept you.

The One

Be with the one who has seen your darkness and loves you anyway

Be with the one you have pushed away a million time and still comes back.

Be with the one that loves you when your not at your best.

Be with the one who, refuses to let you go.

Be with the one who won’t give up on you, when you gave up on yourself.

Be with the one who know your soul, and makes it their life mission to fill it.

regardless of any thing, thats the one you should always choose.

Michelle J.

Happiness

Life is nothing but a journey.

I am always afraid of the destination.

Whats going to happen? will I be happy? It is hard to relax in the moment when you are continually planning the future outcome.

What is happy?

Is anyone perpetually happy?

 

No.

But you have moments.

I was happy when I caught my first fish.

I was happy in moments with you.

Its not completing  the “plan” that makes you happy.

Happiness is never, there to stay.

Embrace it when it happens and then let it move thru you, let it pass.

Happiness will come again. Is always does.

Happiness is a moment, and yes it will pass just like sorrow. You can’t live in it, but you can let it consume you, maybe just for a moment. And smile when its gone, because it happened.

Michelle J.

Alive

Theres so much Beauty in the pain and uncertainty of life.

We are often too focused on it at the time to see it.

But step back for a moment and you’ll see it, the sliver of Glorious bruises that make you.

Enjoy the painful moments because they are what make you feel alive.

Perceived self

All we are is how we are perceived to be.  How can we know we are not just the product of societal perception , and desire?

Is our whole being just a by product of what we are advertised to supposed to be. Are we all just acting out, the decrement and projections of the outer world.

Maybe the only people who know the answer to this are the ones who live on the edge. Who refuse to conform, the ones we call crazy.

The Letting go Let down

My life has been comprised of a million distractions.

Remove them.

Distractions peel away at your soul.

No one Lives forever. Let it go.

I know you can, Let the hurt, the emptiness wash through you. Allow yourself to be content with the memories, and lessons. and let it Go.

You are not  your distractions, when you let them go you find your real self. It is only then you see all the ways you compromised your truth.

The only way to find yourself is to remove all the distractions telling you who you are.

Be alone and embrace the let down of letting go.